Facing Up To My Bully – A Lesson For All Ages

Exclusive to The Dreidel
by Richard Stellar

I remember when I was in junior high school (now called middle school).  This was a long time ago when boys were most likely sent into the vice-principals office for wearing bell bottom pants or smoking in the ‘lavatories’, and girls were called in for wearing their eye-liner too heavy or passing notes in class.  Now we avoid making a distinction that separates the sexes, but back then we clearly faced our challenges in school along that great divide.

Religion and race also created a divide.  Growing up Jewish for me had its challenges.  I was last to be chosen for basketball because Stan Compton said ‘I don’t want no Jew on my team’.  Even though I was well over 6 feet tall at that young age and had a mean free throw, it was my being Jewish that had kept me from playing with my friends.  Did they stand up for me?  If you’re Jewish and reading this, you probably know the answer.

No, they didn’t.

This happened a couple of years after the ‘summer of Love’ where peace and love were supposed to take over religious intolerance and hate.  We all know now that anti-Semitism follows no trends.  It is simply ignorance and it lies resident in the minds of many people.

It seems to be up to us on how we live with it, how we confront it, and how we help others in dealing with it.

As I write this, I’m in Ireland – a beautiful country with hundreds of shades of green that blanket rolling hills and lush fields.  I found hate here in this gorgeous land, and I’m not sure that I dealt with it well.  However, it reminded me that my Stan Compton is still out there, and whether it’s being on a basketball team, at a party, going for a job, or joining a club – we can still experience anti-Semitism.  I just did.

I was at a wedding for my niece.  I’m in an inter-faith marriage that has lasted for well over 30 years, and with the side of my family that wasn’t Jewish.  Of the 150 people who were there, it was my luck to be chosen out by someone who knew I was Jewish, for being Jewish.

Let’s call him Colin.

“You’re Jewish?”, asked Colin, for no apparent reason.  ” I hope you’re not a Zionist as well.”

I turned to face him, and answered him directly. “I’m actually both.  Why do you ask?”

What followed was a tirade against Israel and Jews that was not only offensive, it was laced with the hate that reminded me of that day in Junior High.  It confirmed in me the notion that much of the criticism of Israel is nothing but anti-Semitism, again fueled by religious intolerance and supported by ignorance.

My reaction was one that should have been thought out.  But like many of us, I acted on impulse.  Since he was a few inches from me, and I could smell the whiskey on his breath, I pushed him back and told him quite plainly to ‘shut up and sit down’.  This caused him to shove me back where I responded that he ‘shoves like a little girl’, and before it exploded into something dangerous, my 6’8″ nephew Will got between us and broke it up.

I returned to my table and went over what just happened in my mind.  Thoughts of ‘did I do the right thing’ changed to ‘why is this still happening’?  I thought back to the challenges of growing up Jewish and how at my ripe old age anti-Semitism returned once again to confront me and make me accountable for not only being Jewish, but reacting to hate.

Suddenly I was that 14 year old kid being refused to be on Stan’s team because I was Jewish.  My reaction to Stan was similar, and violent.  It didn’t serve me well back then, as it did nothing to change the situation at the wedding.

Let’s explore the responses to our personal experiences with anti-Semitism in a few days, right here on The Dreidel.  Let’s address the hate.  Was my reaction appropriate?  What would you have done?  Is anti-Semitism linked to anti-Zionism?

We are Jews, and within our culture we are diverse.  We differ politically, we are from many nations and we ourselves come in different colors.  We are united not only by religion and culture but also by oppression.

As our religion and culture defines us, so does our reaction to those who ‘don’t get it’.  That’s putting it mildly, right?  As I work out my own reaction, I look forward to hearing yours.  Please respond to info@thedreidel.com and let me know your thoughts.

You’ll be helping all of us.