Kathy Koewler: A Journey

Having goals and a plan for reaching them is a critical step to a successful life. But equally critical is knowing that life does not always follow even the most carefully charted path. And having the ability to adapt and learn from the detours while also re-charting your course, is equally important. No one has a perfect life. We are all human, we make mistakes and there are some situations which we simply cannot control. But we do have the ability to choose how we handle these unexpected diversions and how we choose to move forward.

I will be the first to say that I am in an amazing place today. And I would even be willing to agree that I have the “perfect” life to others who look and where I am and what I have achieved. But most of those people have no idea how I got to this point or what it took to get here.

I went to a nice suburban high school and lived in a very comfortable home, but my family was far from wealthy. During my high school years, my parents had some financial issues when my mother became unemployed. As a result, money got very tight and I began working pretty much full time between night shifts and weekends to help out with household expenses. We were very fortunate, and we pulled together and got through it without losing our home. But it made college an expense that was out of the question.

Sadly, I was never a diligent student and it wasn’t until my junior year that I discovered that not only did I love to write, but a teacher told me I was kind of good at it. But by then, my GPA was not going to get me any scholarships. I wrote for the school paper, a local neighborhood newspaper and even got invited to a summer writing program at American University in Washington D.C. But the tuition and the travel costs were much more than I could scrape together, and I couldn’t miss a month of work, so I didn’t go. After high school, I ended up with a variety of jobs including a baker, a doughnut fryer, a receptionist, a dietary aide at a nursing home, a caregiver at a group home and a few more that I have tried to forget. At one point, I was working three jobs a day but I was earning enough to contribute to the bills until my mom got her career reestablished.

Once I was free to choose a path, I didn’t aim very high but I picked a job that I thought I would enjoy. I became a landscaper. It was incredibly physically demanding but it was outdoors and that I enjoyed. However, in the Midwest in the 80’s, it was still very much a man’s world and I was forced to prove myself pretty much on a daily basis. I later shifted into irrigation work and became known as “the” girl in irrigation in the entire city of Columbus, Ohio. But looking back, those constant challenges helped to create the person who I am today and the drive that taught me that I could go anywhere I chose to if I work hard enough.

So in my early 20’s, writing was no longer something that I thought of as a possibility for a career. I became good at landscape and irrigation design, and sales, eventually starting my own small business. But at the same time, I also became a wife and a mother, which were by far my biggest priorities. The business was a way to earn a living on my own terms and my own schedule. It allowed me to be fully present for family events that would shape my life for the next decade and really forever.

As it turned out, that time became priceless. My father had been battling multiple types of cancer for nearly a decade and days spent with him were very precious. Just ten months before my father passed, my father-in-law became ill and passed away very suddenly. Not only was it a lot for me, but it was devastating to my 10-year-old son. But we pulled together as a family and all somehow managed to get through it and about a year later we made the journey to begin a new life in Phoenix.

Fortunately, we arrived just before the housing boom and each of those new homes needed landscaping, so I was right at home. I spent several years selling over a million dollars a year and again being the best at what I was doing. Then the bubble burst in the housing market and so did my career and my ego. I was forced to re-evaluate myself and my career goals. What I came to discover first was a much greater respect for the situation my mother had been in when she lost her job. Next, I decided that maybe I could find a way to work back to my first love, writing. So I began to pick up “odd jobs” on craigslist for content writing and search engine optimization work. I was able to apply my sales experience and found that marketing and sales writing just flowed out without much effort. And even though it wasn’t what I envisioned all of those years ago, I was earning money as a writer.

Eventually, I found that I needed to feed my creative side as well as the mercenary in me, so I started writing short stories and even a novel for entertainment when I was not busy with paying work. And somehow, as the years have slipped by, I have managed to find my way to this perfect place I enjoy today. I’m not going to lie and say that I always knew this is how it would end up or that I planned it this way. No one could have foreseen my path or the bounty that was waiting for me along the way. But I started out with a good work ethic and faith in myself and my potential, thanks to some amazing people in my life. And fortunately, I was lucky enough to pick up the knowledge and the skills that I needed along the way.

I would never want to compare my life or my past to anyone else’s. I know that my challenges pale in comparison to what many others have faced and still are working to overcome. But on a small scale, I did overcome some obstacles. What is important to remember is that every experience, every event and even the worst days of your life hold meaning and lessons. The struggles and even the pain teach you to work hard to reach your goals and that you are far stronger than you ever dreamed of being. You have the heart and the potential to become whatever you choose to channel your energy into becoming. The secret is to believe in yourself and know that you are worthy of earning the right to live your perfect life. But only you can fulfill that dream.

There will be people who can offer you support and encouragement, but late at night when you are trying to fall asleep but can only focus on self-doubt, you need to be able to tell yourself, “I can, and I will work to achieve my goals!”

And then, when you reach the point where you can smile and say “I did it!” you need to remember your entire journey. Think of the lessons, the hardships and the victories that led you to where you are right at that moment. Think of the people who believed in you and how proud they must be of all of your achievements. Now, it’s time to plan your next goal and take that next step. But it is also time to give back for all of the good that you found along your journey. Now it is time for you to be the person who offers words of encouragement and support to a person who is just starting a journey and who might be struggling. Each person has it in his or her heart to reach his or her own goals, but also to help someone else achieve a goal or milestone. Never forget to look back to see how far that you have traveled and also never forget to give back.

Kathy Koewler and her husband live in Phoenix area. She is a freelance writer and operates the website See The Good. Her hobbies include riding motorcycles, scuba diving and spending time with friends and family.